Pyramid Schemes and How to Combat Them
I honestly don't know, but I have a story to tell.
Long ago, not too far into the past, I thought I was getting coffee with a so-called friend — let’s call her Ana — who sent me a message invitation to meet at Starbucks to chat. Wonderful, I thought, I haven’t seen her in a while. Let’s see what she’s up to. At the time when she messaged me, I was working in a retail store, and I arranged to meet up with her during my break. Tell me why, upon arriving at Starbucks, I walked into what appeared to be a staged scene: Ana had paperwork laid on the table where I was to enjoy coffee with her. A bit odd, unless she was working or reading or praying. I studied Theatre and Performance, I know it when I see a performance, when a set is set, when a performer rehearsed.
As I entered Starbucks, I looked around the coffee shop and scanned for Ana. She stood up from the table with the papers, ran to me as old friends do, and we greeted each other with a hug. Honestly, it felt like Judah’s kiss. I told her I would join her after I ordered a drink. She went back to the table; I went up to the counter and got myself a cup of black coffee.
The table was in the back, near the bathrooms. I sat with my back towards the windows and the entrance; Ana faced the windows and the entrance—she commanded the space. I took a sip of my black coffee, and Ana began to ask me filler questions, ones that need to be asked to carry on with the conversation before getting straight to the point.
ANA: How have you been?
JOSE: Good. How about you?
ANA: Good. Yeah.
JOSE: Good.
ANA: Great.
I don’t recall exactly the entire conversation we had; we didn’t even talk about the joy of getting together (mind you: this was a person with whom I thought I was friends; someone I went to high school with).
I do remember she mentioned something along the lines of “signing up”, and, while she was talking, she dropped that someone else was joining us. Who the fuck is joining us, I thought: this was a let’s-catch-up situation. So, guess what? Soon enough, a friend or coworker of hers entered and made her way to join us: this person was Latina; I’m Latino. I mention this because, perhaps, Ana thought I would fold easily if my people were present. At this point, they are chatting about the process of signing up. Forgive me, I can’t remember those details. I’m sure I dodged signing up for poison.
As the conversation went, Ana was opening the papers and reading some sort of agreement to me. In my mind, I was asking myself, what the hell is going on, what happened to what are you up to these days? Then, her friend, started speaking in Spanish to me, telling me about the benefits of signing up, and what signing up other people would bring me. For what? I can’t recall. At this point, I felt trapped.
They most likely sensed that I was internally screaming. Ana told me that I didn’t need to sign up in that moment and that I could always reach out and sign up when I felt ready. Never! Yet, till this day, I don’t know what the heck they were talking to me about.
When her Latina friend stood up to go to the bathroom, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to leave the predatory scene that had been staged to capture me.
Ana looked relaxed; my insides squirmed in my stomach like a bottled-up squid. I was extremely uncomfortable that I could no loner escape Starbucks. So I purposefully placed my cup of coffee on the edge of the table with the papers and missed, causing a spill on the floor.
The poor Starbucks employees who had been dealing with many customers’ complicated orders now had to deal with my mess. But I needed to escape. I needed to create an opportunity for me to run away and never see Ana again. Before her friend returned, I hugged Ana goodbye and ran for the door, leaving her behind, forever. I didn’t care that I had just made a fool of myself by dropping the coffee, and, in any other situation I would have cleaned up after myself. But I was in danger with Ana around.
Looking back at this event, I do think Ana wanted me to sign up to some pyramid scheme, which I think it was shitty of her. I thought we were reconnecting; she was someone I liked, someone that was one of the few people who was nice to me in high school. But that afternoon she treated me like a gaugeable person.
A few months later, I shared with a friend what had happened to me, and she told me that Ana did the same thing to her, but, in her situation, Ana had brought along a male friend to their “meeting.” She had no coffee to drop, but she faked a massive headache; she, too, ran away.
Clearly, from the beginning, Ana had no intention of reconnecting with me. She put her schemes before me; she was only interested in what she could gain, no matter who she trapped. As for me, it was clear she no longer saw me as a friend. Thank, God, she is no longer in my life.
And you, wonderful subscriber, have you been ambushed in a situation like this? Do sound below.